


This Is Me

by MissGraceOMalley



Series: The Various Deaths of Darcy Lewis [8]
Category: Black Widow (Movie 2020), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:06:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22301545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissGraceOMalley/pseuds/MissGraceOMalley
Summary: Natasha never thought that she would find someone to spend her life with. And when she does? She's gone before she can blink.
Relationships: Darcy Lewis/Natasha Romanov
Series: The Various Deaths of Darcy Lewis [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1128056
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	This Is Me

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This Is Me

_"I won't let them break me down to dust._

_I know that there's a place for us._

_For we are glorious."_

_This Is Me – Keala Settle (The Greatest Showman)_

Her heart thundered in her ears, her footsteps drowned by the sound. Her stomach turned when she caught sight of blood covering her arms that _was not hers_.

Natalia Romanova was a killer, point blank, and nothing more.

But she wasn't that person anymore.

She was Natasha Romanoff, a spy that had just killed the woman she loved.

And now?

She was waiting for reinforcements to get her back from the HYDRA scum.

_"Romanoff, where's short stack?"_

The redhead cringed at Tony's voice through her com. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she responded, "Collateral damage."

Only a slight buzzing could be heard through the small device. She was sure that everyone had heard her and it was devastating. 

Natasha had failed.

_"We're comin' in hot. Maybe sit this one out, Nat – "_

She checked the rounds in her gun before sliding the magazine into place with a harsh click. "Not a chance, Rogers. Meet me on the east side of the building. Clint can run point from the roof. Tony, get up there and give us some air support."

Switching off her com, she murmured, "I'm bringing you home, _myshka_. I promise."

* * *

Dark curls were matted against the clean slice in her neck, her expressive blue eyes closed for the rest of forever.

Natasha had pulled back the sheet that the coroner had covered her with to evaluate the injuries that she already knew by heart.

_"Natasha!" Her beautiful little mouse cried. "Get out of here! Go!"_

_The redhead fired her gun, sinking a man close to her as she continued to fight. "No! Hold on!"_

_"Oh, Black Widow, but what will you do once she's gone?"_

_And then a knife ran across her beloved's throat and opened a waterfall of red that she wished she could scrub from her eyes._

_"No!"_

"Nat?"

She jolted, reaching for the knife strapped to her thigh before realizing it was Clint. Her jaw clenched and unclenched before she glared at him.

"Laura's asking if you'll come to the farm after…after the funeral."

It was the smart thing to do. Her little mouse wouldn't want her to be alone.

"Yes," she finally answered. "Let me take care of my _myshka's_ affairs and I will."

The tension bled from Clint's body, clearly expecting a different answer. He gave her a forced grin and squeezed her shoulder softly. "The kids'll be excited."

"We'll have to explain what happened to their TeeTee."

"I know. Laura's…she's gonna help, okay? We know you're hurtin', Nat. We wanna be there for you."

Not an option. She was a liability. She would say her goodbyes and they would be _safe_.

"Nat…"

"We'll take a jet after the funeral. It gives me a little while to settle everything."

"We love you. You're not alone."

But she was. And she always would be.

* * *

_"Oh my god! You're the Black Widow!"_

_Natasha cocked an eyebrow at the curvy brunette in front of her that Clint was currently plying with an obscene amount of coffee._

_She was very pretty. Long lashes, delicate jaw, and the reddest lips she'd ever seen._

_"That would be me," she answered coolly, glancing at her partner._

_Clint snickered. "She's a hugger."_

_And, sure enough, the brunette was flush against her chest in a matter of seconds._

_"Nat, meet short stack."_

Natasha awoke with a heavy feeling in her chest.

She had spent almost all night setting up her girlfriend's assets to be liquidated according to her wishes, including a hefty donation to the Maria Stark foundation. Her student loans had been taken care of by Tony and a new garden was going to be added to the front of the tower in her memory. Not to mention the new wing in the labs.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she grimaced at the way the sun sloped against the horizon. It must've been later than what she thought.

It also didn't help that someone was banging obnoxiously on her door. She was on her feet and ripping the door open before she thought better of it.

"What?" She snarled.

"I need her computer."

Natasha stared at the tiny scientist in disbelief. A computer? "I'm sorry, what?"

"I need her computer," Jane repeated, rolling her shoulders slightly. "She was working on something – "

"You want the project she was working on? By herself?"

"It's mine, too – "

"No. No, it's not," the redhead volleyed back, gritting her teeth. The two women had never liked each other and that was making her want to push the smaller woman off the top of the tower. "She was working on this _alone_. You weren't friends anymore. You chose your work over her friendship. As far as I'm concerned, you should be kicked out of the tower, but she _vouched_ for you. It was because of _her_ that Tony didn't make you leave. But that ends now."

Jane sputtered. "My work! I can't leave it! I can't – "

"You might want to start looking for a new lab space."

* * *

The funeral was too quick, yet not quick enough.

Hearing people say wonderful things about her _myshka_ made her heart hurt in the most beautiful way.

Clint cracked every inside joke he could while Thor waxed poetic about his fierce lightening sister. Tony was, well, Tony and spoke of how the 'adoption' had almost gone through – with Pepper dabbing her eyes because "she had always wanted a daughter".

And Natasha couldn't say anything. The words wouldn't come out. No matter how hard she tried or how much Steve glared at her.

Which, _that_ was a can of worms she didn't want to deal with. Especially when her sweet girl had chosen her over Captain America.

And a conversation was long overdue.

* * *

Finding tiny pairs of bright panties around their apartment used to be a source of joy and excitement at what was to come. Normally, it meant that she was going to have her face between her girl's thighs until she had drank and licked her fill. Her _myshka's_ thighs made excellent ear muffs.

_"Nat! Nat, please. Oh my god!" She wiggled and bucked her hips against the redhead's grinning mouth. Her eyes rolled back into her head as her clit throbbed, expertly circled and teased until she was a writhing mess. "Oh my god."_

_Natasha pressed a wet kiss to her plush hip. "You taste so delicious,_ myshka _. I'm so lucky."_

_She panted and stared at the ceiling. "I'm…I'm the…lucky one. I love you."_

_A long time ago, she would've said love was or children, but_ she _changed all that and Natasha loved her against all odds._

_"And I love you."_

She crumbled up the panties and grimaced. She didn't need another reminder of what she lost, of what she allowed to be taken from her.

Maybe love _was_ for children.

* * *

"Here."

Steve glanced down at the papers Natasha threw down on his desk with a raised eyebrow. "What is this?"

"The key to fixing your boyfriend."

"He's not my – "

"She worked on a code for Shuri. It's to fix the programming HYDRA put there. An override of sorts."

Steve flicked through the pages with a look of wonder on his face. "She…she did all this? But why – "

"She loved Bucky very much, you know that. She wanted him to have a chance at a normal life. Both you."

He blinked rapidly as he stood, trying to keep his tears at bay. His hands flexed and unflexed as he mumbled, "I've gotta get to Wakanda…"

"Good luck, Steve."

* * *

What was left when there was nothing?

Barnes was fixed, her things boxed up, and Natasha wasn't sure where to go.

It had been a horrible experience explaining to Clint's children that she was gone. Cooper had cried for hours and the redhead had comforted him until the tears stopped.

Laura had promised to make it up to her, but it only solidified Natasha's intent to get the hell out of there as soon as the little family was stable.

She was on the porch, staring at the pasture, when Clint dropped down beside her, invading her space.

"Stop thinking about it," he said.

Natasha sighed. "I'm not."

"You _are_. You're thinking of all the ways you can follow her."

She defiantly asked, "And what if I am? Are you telling me it's not worth it? That it's a mistake?"

"The only mistake was losing her," he said quietly. The chirps of the crickets echoed loudly and he sighed. "But that's not on you. It's not anyone's fault besides – "

"HYDRA."

"And you killed that bastard. He's gone, Nat."

She smiled. "So, I can rest now?"

"I thought that's what you were doing?"

"You're not obtuse enough to believe that."

Clint was smart. Intuitive. Calculating. It was part of being a spy. She was smart enough to side step him if she wanted to, but she was too tired.

It had been three months since she had lost her and both their affairs had been taken care of.

But she was ready to say goodbye, too.

"There's a mission – Budapest."

He stifled a snort. "For old time's sake?"

"Something like that."

* * *

_"You know I love you, right?"_

_Natasha glanced down at the curvy woman curled around her body. It had been a long mission that had kept her away from her little mouse._

_"I didn't get to say it before you left," she continued, filling the silence. "And what if something happened? You wouldn't have known and – "_

_"_ Myshka _, I_ know _you love me," Natasha smiled. "You show it in the way you make meals from my country, the way you go out of your way to bring me coffee from the Lower East Side. The way you accept Clint as my partner without jealousy. And I love you, too, you silly girl."_

* * *

The first bullet was meant for Clint. The following three were meant for her.

Forgetting her Kevlar in the dark hotel room was definitely going haunt her, but she couldn't care.

Each bullet made a sickening sound as she stumbled. One had imbedded itself in her lung and it was a struggle to breathe.

Quick thinking allowed her to shove Clint to the ground and out of danger. Raising her gun, she took down the man that shot her and she sighed wetly knowing the target was disposed of.

"Nat? Holy shit – you're bleeding!"

The redhead rolled her eyes at his commentary and nodded. "Call SHIELD for back up. Target's down." Blood coated her mouth, but she swallowed it down. "Call Tony if you have to – "

Clint set his jaw. "You planned this, didn't you?"

"To get shot?" She gave a painful laugh and closed her eyes; they were blurry, anyway. "No. I didn't plan that."

"The medics won't get here in time and I don't know – " his voice cut off, shaky as it was.

Natasha weakly nodded, whispering, "I know."

"You're my best friend, Nat."

_The pain in her chest was gone. The metallic taste that had been clinging to her mouth, disappearing._

_It was with extreme hesitation that she opened her eyes._

_She wasn't prepared to see the white ceiling of their apartment or hear the tell-tale noise of someone cooking in their kitchen. Her feet were unsteady as she pushed herself from the bed and made her way towards the sound._

_Natasha was glad that the doorway supported her because she wasn't prepared to see the petite brunette plating up a heaping amount of bacon._

_"Morning, babe!" She chirped happily, wiping her hands on the too-big shirt she'd stolen from Steve. "Waffles or pancakes?"_

_"What?"_

_"Waffles or pancakes?" The little sprite patiently asked again. "To eat. For breakfast."_

_The redhead swallowed almost painfully. "What is this? Where am I?"_

_"We're in our apartment. And I'm making us a breakfast feast because I missed you."_

_"You're dead," Natasha deadpanned._

_The other woman nodded. "Yep."_

_"Then why am I here? I should be somewhere – anywhere else! Do you know how much red is in my ledger?"_

_"Nat – "_

_"No, Darcy!"_

_Darcy sighed and softly said, "Your place is with me. You did everything you could. You aren't going to hell."_

_The redhead blinked away tears. "I get to stay here? With you?"_

_"Of course, babe. I'm not letting you go anywhere."_

_There was a beat of silence before she was pulling Darcy into her arms as tightly as she could._

_If this was a dream, she'd kill anyone that woke her._

_"My_ myshka _," she breathed against Darcy's curls. She felt real and safe in her arms. "I missed you so much."_

_Darcy smiled and tilted her porcelain face upwards, a smile tugging on her red lips. "I know. I missed you, too. But now we can be together."_

_"I love you."_

_"I love you, too."_

Natasha Romanoff was a spy. A spy that paid the ultimate price for loving a good woman.

And, in the end, that love had saved her.

Because love wasn't for children.

Natasha was finally home.

**Author's Note:**

> Go easy on me, please. I've never written F/F before. But I felt that Nat needed to be added to my series. I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> Keep up with me on Tumblr - 
> 
> www.missgraceomalley.tumblr.com


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